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Those Thieving Jews!

On August 9, 2003 the Egyptian weekly Al-Ahram Al-Arabi reported the following:

Dr. Nabil Hilmi, Dean of the Faculty of Law at the University of Al-Zaqaziq, joined a group of Egyptian expatriates in Switzerland to prepare an enormous lawsuit against "all the Jews of the world."

Dr. Hilmi and his group insist that Egypt's claim against the Jews is older than any claims the Jews may entertain: "The Egyptian Pharaoh was surprised one day to discover thousands of Egyptian women crying under the palace balcony, asking for help and complaining that the Jews stole their clothing and jewels, in the greatest collective fraud history has ever known."

Therefore his group has "set up a legal team to prepare the necessary legal confrontation aimed at restoring what the Jews stole a long time ago, to which the statute of limitations cannot possibly apply."

Furthermore, he insists those deceitful Jews were not satisfied just with the gold:

"The theft was not limited to gold alone. The thieves stole everything imaginable. They emptied the Egyptian homes of cooking utensils. One of the women approached Pharaoh, her eyes downcast, and said that her Jewish neighbor who lived in the house on the right of her house had come to her and asked to borrow her gold items, claiming she had been invited to a wedding.... The Jewish neighbor took [the items] and promised to return them the next day. A few minutes later, the neighbor to the left knocked on the door and asked to borrow the cooking utensils, because she was having guests for dinner. Using this same deceitful system, they took possession of all the cooking utensils...."

Of course those greedy Jews would go for the gold. The gold was bad enough. But the cooking utensils? Come on!

"Taking possession of the gold was understandable. This is clear theft of a host country's resources and treasure, something that fits the morals and character of the Jews. Yet what was not clear to the Egyptian women were the reasons for stealing the cooking utensils, when other things may have been of greater value. However, one of the Egyptian priests said that this had been the Jews' twisted way throughout history; they seek to cause a minor problem connected with the needs of everyday life so as to occupy people with these matters and prevent them from pursuing them to get back the stolen gold...."

Aha, so that's the reason! It's the old distract-you-with-the-basting-spoon-while-I-go-for-your-gold-necklace gambit. The oldest trick in the Good Book.

But did you know that, all those accounts of slavery and oppression notwithstanding, the Egyptians were really nice to those ungrateful Jews, inviting them to their parties and sharing their pleasures? A police investigation has uncovered this neglected piece of information:

"A police investigation revealed that Moses and Aaron, peace be upon them, understood that it was impossible to live in Egypt, despite its pleasures and even though the Egyptians included them in every activity, due to the Jews' perverse nature, to which the Egyptians had reconciled themselves, though with obvious unwillingness. Therefore, an order was issued by the Jewish rabbis to flee the country, and that the exodus should be secret and under cover of darkness and with the largest possible amount of loot. The code word was 'At midnight.' In addition, the Jewish women were told to steal the gold and cooking utensils of the Egyptian women, and that is what happened."

So how come you never heard about all this before?

"Naturally, the Jews cast doubt on this story because that is in their interest. But the answer would be that the story is based on what is written in the Torah. It can be found in Exodus, [Chapter] 35, verses 12 through 36...."

Of course, all of this might not be in the Bible you have at home. Perhaps you have the Jewish Expurgated Edition.

Here is what the Bible really does say about all those "activities" and "pleasures" the Egyptians included the Jews in: "Therefore they set taskmasters over them to oppress them with forced labor" (Exodus 1:11). Maybe those Jews just didn't realize how much fun they were having.

So the Jews got away with it once again. But there is still hope. Dr. Hilmi sees a solution:

"There may be a compromise solution. The debt can be rescheduled over 1,000 years, with the addition of the cumulative interest during that period."

Sounds reasonable enough. Nevertheless, Dr. Hilmi does leave one question unanswered: Who was living in Egypt during the Arab conquest, and whom do they sue for compensation?


"Egyptian Jurists to Sue 'The Jews' for Compensation for 'Trillions' of Tons of Gold Allegedly Stolen During Exodus from Egypt." Al-Ahram Al-Arabi, August 9, 2003. In Middle East Media Research Institute, Special Dispatch Series No. 556, August 22, 2003.

[Note: As strange as this story may seem, anti-Semitism this fantastic and exaggerated is quite common throughout the Arab world. See these further examples from the Middle East Media Research Institute.]

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